It rained today. Hard. Out of the blue, it just poured all of its watery content down to earth. A little thing i feel about rain is that rain makes you feel alone. Every time i hear rain, it resembles a loud moan echoing inside an empty oil-drum. Like a late night drum solo without audience. Yes, it feels sad.
I sat on my bed when it came. That loud roar slowly humming in to my ears. Just like that garbage truck that eats up your trash 4am in the morning, the rain came without anybody knowing nor noticing .
“It seems lonely”
Was the only thing i thought of. The epic sad roar drained out all the other sounds. From the traffic, my MP3 player, the TV, the oil steadily crackling, my cats meowing, literally silencing the house. And inside that 4 x 3 bedroom of seclusion, i feel like i’m the only one left in the world. The only soul that i can hear and that kept me accompanied was, well, me.
Then it hit me. My conscience. I started realizing what i’ve done, what i needed to do, what i needed to change, all the faults and sins and doubts and restless thoughts, it resurfaced. All those memories and promises, those things i missed, those things i hid, all of the things i somehow managed to cover up by busying myself and eventually forgetting it in the end is now slapped right on to me like a surging bolt of high voltage waking me up from this beauty sleep i allow myself to drift with. And knowing so, im scared. I feel like i have never truly completed anything.
“To have realize that all these times you’ve mopped up and yet you’re leaving a trail of dirt from your shoes”
I realize, my life is nowhere near easy (well no ones life is). And if i stay this way with my routine (simply neglect and push aside a problem or a feeling or anything for that matter), i’ll never finish anything in life. I need to start resolving my restless problems that are apparently haunting me. Now.
Crashing Sky-high 