Call me sinful

In Thoughtful dilemmas on December 24, 2010 at 2:40 PM

Dear God,

I know i don’t talk to You much, and i cant say i’ve been a obidient.. umm.. disciple, but i wanna ask You some stuff regarding my life lately. I know it seems stupid to send You a mail through a blog, but what else can i do? I’ve been trying to contact you through my mind, through prayers, through anything i can but You still didn’t answer.

I wish there was some 2-way communication device between mankind and You. Why? Well because there’s a hell lot of problems in the world today that only You can answer. As much as man try to think it through rationally, it just doesn’t cut it. The answer we find, seek, or try to assume never delivers and can never be achieved with even the highest logic possible. And when we (i) look into the Quran or ask a friend or dad it just doesn’t seem quite right. I need your words to convince me to these answers.

You may call me rude or ungreatful for this exsistence You give me, but God, i wanna question some stuff about what You say. And no im not brave by asking You this, im damn scared, but i need to.. i need You to answer. I need You to make me believe.

Im an open man, i never considered religion to be something absolute in this world. I never say that Islam is the outmost best, nor do i say that any other is worse. I come to appreciate others through this open-minded way i think. As long as mankind live in harmony then isn’t that enough? Isn’t that the purpose of having our religion? Then God i ask, why does religion creates boundaries and segregates people. I know that we have to prey and that’s fine with me, but why in other parts of life do we have to be squared and boxed up? Say.. Marriage? Or any other stuff.

“When people say that religion will bring everyone together, why is it that the very thing they speak of actually breaks us apart?”

Why does it creates differences and makes us pick one side, creating strongholds to battle each other out? Why can’t tolerance really be excersised? Why?

God, i need You to answer.. please leave a comment at least.


An eppiffany

In Lifework on December 21, 2010 at 9:29 PM

That pizza-hut with the awesome small convenient palace like building sure is comfortable. The soft red couch under our butts, the cold (small) glass of coke flirting with our eyes with each drop of its liquid sensation oozing from the glass tip, the aroma of fresh pizza rolling in in every corner, the sunny sunday noon with that extra sunlight topping bonus just to splurge mankind, and to perfectionize this masterpiece, i got my beloved Aya right beside me. Feels like a heaven.

Everybody in the room (i was in) seemed happy. The laughter throwed continuously throughout the room seemed to adds to the decoration of the building. I’m overjoyed, i need a break from life once in a while.

Now i’m not a sensitive type of person, and i don’t really pay attention to my surroundings. Call me blind or evil, but i don’t seem to take a liking to peek outside my comfort zone. Or in other words, anything except me and those that has anything to do with me. I have enough problems of my own which are already frustrating and confusing to order and solve, let alone care about something that has no connection with me at all. Aya on the other hand, oftenly peeps into the wider prespective.

And because so, she sees what i would never notice. A few feet from our table, sat a father in his late 40’s with two young children. One boy in his 4 – 5th elementary grade, and his sister in her 4 – 5 years of age. He’s a neat fellow, shirts tucked into his jeans type. At first i didn’t even get why she’s so into this particular scene, until she said

“It’s sad”

Then it striked me. They’re lacking a special member. One more unreplacable figure that’ll complete the set isn’t there. A mother.

This scene hits my head like a hammer to a nail, hard and painful. I cant imagine how devastated i’d look after losing a loved one. Whatever it may look like, its probably close to the scenery of a dead rat rotting hopelessly somewhere in the corner of your room. Yet this man was nowhere near that. His expressions seemed stronger than what mine (will) look like. His expression shows a father trying to shape his family back together. His two children eating spaghetti, smiling with happy full faces, staining their T-shirts and spilling their glass of (i think) orange juice, while their dad sat and watched them with care. He didn’t order nor did he look at the menu, it’s as if his sole and only purpose of being there, was for his children. Everytime they spilled something, he helps them clean it up. When they didn’t want the onion, he eats them up.  He listens to his childrens blabber, smiling and commentating every word they say, not letting them have the last sentence. Not taking his eyes off those two kids of his. Filling the gaps of what is missing.

I felt sad. Damn sad. Moreover, i felt stupid. I have everything needed in my life (my dad, my mom, my grandma, my Aya, my friends, my sisters, my debate, my school, and every other thing), yet i still say its not enough. This happens all the time.

“People keep asking and cursing and whining for what they don’t have, neglecting the fact to be grateful for what they do.”

So guys, take a step back and see whats given in front of you, use them wisely, take care of them correctly, because they’re not gonna last forever. No i am not turning into a saint, nor am i suddenly the good guy telling you what you should do. All i’m saying is i got smacked by God to the fact that people should be thankfull for what they own, and i need someone to lay revenge. I can’t smack God, but on the other hand, i can smack you. So open your eyes people. Life’s not all harsh. Be happy for what you have.

Too far

In Uncategorized on December 16, 2010 at 10:33 PM

When you go out to the corner shop and park your old black rusted paint-scraped dusty bike, looking out on the road to a certain round-shaped sign standing on the road showing you numbers, what do you see? A sign. A symbol.

When you play chess in your phone because you have no life and any other thing to do plus no friends to play real chess with, what do you move? The chess-pieces. A representation of a part of an army. The pawn as soldiers, the queen, the king , the horse, and everything else. You move symbols.

When you read that i-really-wish-i-could-kill-Pythagoras-because-of-this-freaking-hard mathematical equation. What do you read? Numbers. Symbols.

Everywhere around you there lies countless symbols created by man to ease himself of difficulty, starting from words to a sculpture, everything has a deeper meaning rather than its own existence.

A word is not just a word, is a symbol towards a certain action or feeling or state of situation that helps us to communicate, describe and understand it. A picture is not only a picture, it symbolizes what the painter is wanting to say in an abstract manner. Even rituals and prayers in religion symbolizes something greater than it looks,  self-sacrifice, devotion and many other things. Time after time mankind creates even more symbols to represent something big in a simple manner, to make things easy for other people to understand. We created rituals, we created signs, we created music, as a symbol of what we feel and think and want to say out to the world.

And its totally normal for people to cluster everything into one and simplify that into symbols representing it holistically,

take it easy, read it slowly

But then guys, this is going too far.